Open Mic: Change Is Useless

The other night I had the pleasure of attending my first open mic session in Jeddah (and ever). Mellie asked from the start if I would contribute, and me being the cheerleader of anything good happening around here had to say yes.

I needed to express myself with whichever means I'm comfortable, so I decided to metaphorically blog on stage (I use the term "on stage" loosely because it was actually at the bottom of a pool. We get creative around here). I shared the following:

I'm no stranger to change. It's all I really ever knew. Growth was a concept that took too long in thought. I was already grown up, I could just change myself to be more adult.

When I was 15 and looking for an identity, I happened to be at a video store where I found an Iron Maiden shirt. I liked the concept and became a metalhead. Kind of. I hated the music, but the look was cute.
I came to terms that I didn't really care about it and I couldn't keep up with the conversations since I didn't listen to the music, so I changed.

I was reading a review on Dream Theatre's then latest album Octavarium and knew that description was made to describe my tastes. The world of progressive metal in all it's surreal deep beauty opened itself up to me and I got stuck on Tool. I found myself to be kind of depressing and a headache to be around, so I changed.

For whatever reason, fondness for the notion of one love and surreal settings got me to Bob Marley and the Beatles. After many times stressing over nights out when I had nothing but t-shirts and flip-flops at my service, I realized I wasn't paying much attention to what I want to be in the future. So, in a way, I changed.

There was an initial change and then I realized that I was tired of change. All my time given to environmentalism in Jeddah and attempt at initiating the "right" lifestyle here, I grew exhausted.
I'm ready to close my eyes, feel for the sun, and reach in its direction indefinitely. To stop transforming into different objects and simply work hard to the goal, allowing myself to be shaped however fate sees fit.

My beautiful Jeddah doesn't seem to be on the same boat, so I'm making the decision for her. Her inhabitants are insisting on change, be it as a vision of a new Saudi Arabia or simply Dubai on steroids.

What I keep meaning by Jeddah's change starting with the Kingdom Tower

This is a declartion of my commitment to back up this new look and follow through with its maintenance.

Furthermore, I Frequent Foursquare

One thing must be admitted. When I take a summer break, it is a real break.
Haven't written since May and don't particularly feel guilty as I have been a regular on the Internet through means of Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr.

To make up for it, here is a quick summary of the goings-on while doing my internship and simply not writing for the other two months.

For starters, I was in Dubai for the internship.

Moat Evasion

Moat Evasion: A Title

I'm not one to speak openly about my feelings, especially when it comes to vulnerability. It feels right, however, to do so today. A little more than a year ago, my energy and time was dedicated to Faseelah (فسيلة), an eco-friendly organization I started. University-based, those knowing of it are the only ones to have probably seen my motivation fizzle out (the title makes sense now, eh?).

Decentralization, transparency, and genuine human connection are ideals of mine. Borders and barriers between entities are so... Unnatural.

By Steve Knight via stock.xchng

In fact, it goes against all of what was here before and will be here after us. I know this and am reminded regularly of others not knowing due to barriers built between curiosity and "life".
The mentioned "life" denotes society's way of living at the moment. This demotivates me.

Microposts: Spring 2011

There are some things that I would blog about if there was enough to say about it. Why publish a complete post when it could be said in 140 characters?

Saudi Youth: Vacations

NOTE: Jeddah floods' arc can be found with the above tab of "About #JeddahRain"

I thought the recent happenings of Saudi university operation and services were worth a blog post. With the unanticipated damage had by the Jeddah floods in January, it's no wonder no university would want to be put in the same position they were in when it hit. It was a nightmare for everyone to get home when the rain was underway. Thus, no real surprise or qualms came up when schools were cancelled mid-Tuesday and all of Wednesday due to rain warnings.

Now, the king has proclaimed tomorrow to be a vacation. I happen to follow many students that can be dubbed studious and proactive, so I only know what this minority is saying about the situation; They're not too pleased.

Otherwise, apparently a lot are on the streets celebrating. I'll update this post when solid articles come out.

Because I'll have to stay until 6pm some days this week to make up for the lost classes on Tuesday and Wednesday, I'm not too pleased either. No telling what frightening outcome will come of this day off.

Microposts: Early 2011

There are some things that I would blog about if there was enough to say about it. Why publish a complete post when it could be said in 140 characters?

The beginnings of my nationalism, food experiments, and a life-long decision.

---

khayraB Khayra Bundakji 

Those wanting a #revolution in #Saudi are pretentious and smackable with absolutely no regard for maintenance or evolution.#Saudirevolution

15 Feb

My initial bout of disdain for the Westernized bandwagon that is an unrealistic one-size-fits-all solution to inconveniences. Organic evolution backed with humanity and patience gains my attention.

---

khayraB Khayra Bundakji 

Huffington Post: "Floody Hell": Saudis Face Misery as Jeddah Drowns, Again! http://ow.ly/3OD3J #JeddahRain

2 Feb

---

khayraB Khayra Bundakji 

Helpful abbreviations provided by PME (Presidency of Meteorology and Environment). Must verify existence of these groups.http://ow.ly/3K0aT

25 Jan

I find that we have lovely eco-friendly laws in Saudi Arabia. More blogging to come from this when more information is found.

---

khayraB Khayra Bundakji 

*air punch* RT @PressTvLondon: Saudis "turning Mecca into Las Vegas" http://bit.ly/fJBxja #Mecca #SaudiArabia #Islam #Muslims#newMakkah

25 Jan

My disdain for poorly planned projects reaches a new, still not very effective, level.

---

arwa_journalist Arwa Aburawa 

 by khayraB

“I don’t want kids” sarahirving.co.uk/?p=413&sms_ss=… via @sarahonline_ who is looking for women who have decided not to have children #childfree

24 Jan

A new life-long commitment is solidified, but I'll blog that view some other year.

---

khayraB Khayra Bundakji 

New theory: Any topping that can go on a pizza, can go on pasta. I will conduct further research and present to you the conclusions.

18 Jan

Microposts: 2010

There are some things that I would blog about if there was enough to say about it. Why publish a complete post when it could be said in 140 characters?

Significant tweets representing significant moments in my life.

---

khayraB Khayra Bundakji 

Lol, priceless. It's just a resonating "why?" to me.http://twitpic.com/3kt7fr #JeddahRain (via @thamer1)

29 Dec

#JeddahRain and general Twitter activism begins.

---

khayraB Khayra Bundakji 

I've realized the extent of my love for the "environmental movement". I genuinely panicked when I couldn't remember Rachel Carson's name.

14 Aug

---

khayraB Khayra Bundakji 

Attended my first tweetup at #DeckQuake. Thank you @saqeram@Aabo0 @FaisalKhatib @HishamWyne @Lhjunkie @mohdfikreefor easing me into it <3

26 Jul

---

khayraB Khayra Bundakji 

I've been hobbling lately, but I am free as of now. I will have none of your chicken broth or cut any more vital corners. I am vegetarian.

26 Jun

More than 6 months after playing around with the thought, I take the plunge.

---

sate3 Sate Hamza ساطع 

 by khayraB

Imagine what'll happen 2 media if a story erupted in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch (UK)http://j.mp/cuTWGk

22 Jun

---

khayraB Khayra Bundakji 

Would you be disappointed if I told you that when there's a debate about clean energy on NPR... I go "OH!" when someone crosses the line?

7 Jun

---

VeryShortStory Very Short Story 

 by khayraB

They celebrated Earth Day each year, remembering the planet their parents spoke of, from a time before the evacuations to space.

SRA: A 5-year-old Journal Entry

The following is something I found recently. It was originally posted on my deviantArt journal when I was about 18. Tomorrow I'm turning 23, and I thought I'd commemorate the freedom from hormones by posting this gem.

I genuinely laughed out loud because it was so true.


******************

Hi. My name is Khayra and I'm a social retard.

Hi, Khayra

Umm, so where do I go from here? I mean, I do want to say alot but I don't know where to start... The last straw? I guess the last straw I had before coming here was when I had to find out about some articles about Christie's. I'm an intern at Christie's. The thing about this was that I had to call up a company and speak to someone about something that I wasn't 110% sure about. It went something like-

"Hello, Mixed Media Publishing, how may I help you?"

"Um, hi I'm calling from Chrisitie's I need to find out if you have a database of articles or something that you can search so I can find out if you guys know any events that Christie's have done with you for charity and stuff? Like Nokia or the camels?"

"... What is it that you're asking, ma'am?"

"... ... I need to, um, findoutifyou'vecoveredeventsofours"

"I'll put you through to the editor, ma'am, is that okay?"

"Um, yeah, that's okay, yeah, thank you so much, yeah, thanks"

Thankfully the editor had a warm comforting understanding voice much like the lady who reads you your messages after a long day.

I wondered if it comforted me only because it reminded me of something inhuman... Anyway, right after I hung up I realised that I had NO idea what I was thinking. I realised that while I said all that, my mind was either completely blank, or racing so fast with fear that it was simply a blur.

-sigh-

I just didn't really know where to turn I guess... The thought popped into my head to get everything off my chest... And I followed through. So I'm here.

... Should I go on? 

Oh, okay. Um... I really do want to fix this. I've already made a few rules for myself.

I... Um, thought it'd be good to start online. Again, I mean.

When I was eight years old, I couldn't ask the waiter at the restaraunt I was eating at if they could bring me a glass of water. I'm convinced that through foruming and chatting to random people I met online, I learned something.

Maybe not much, but something, and realising that I learned something made me realise that I have to learn more. So I pushed myself offline to ask questions and stuff and so on. My way of starting online now is to follow up with friends. Mostly online friends because they're easier to reach.

I don't know what this will do for me, exactly.

I'm hoping that it'll teach me to followup when I conclude that I want to know someone. I have no one to call "an old friend" today because I lost touch.

Um, I dunno.

I think this helped though, thanks.

Let's all give Khayra a hand and our support for being strong enough to admit that she has no friends for faults all her own!

-applause and woots-

…

Thanks.

Khayra, I want you to remember, that just like the very few who you know believe in you, there are so many more. Just chill and listen to advice. Breathe when you realise that you're babbling like The Ranting Swede and look like a complete idiot, as is probably usual, okay? 

-applause-

... Okay.
Thanks. I mean that.

-farts while sitting down-

-is mortified-

-applause-

This Is Bunny

I made a promise to myself and a very spectacularly encouraging friend of mine that I would update regularly. I really wanted to post everything to do with my family trip to Oman and how awesome I found the place to be. Unfortunately, we're moving, and the mania flooding our lives is only outdone by my brothers' complete obliviousness towards it.


Anywho, I've prepared posts in advance for such situations. So let's get to it.


Amongst my general relatively minor insecurities lies genuine self-esteem. At the end of the day, I find my spacey disposition endearing. Not everyone would find it to be a perk, but I've been reminded of my second favorite tendency while browsing preserved bits on the Interwebs. Ah, Internet, how much of a role it's played in shaping who I am. Did I r0x0rz everyone's b0x0rz? Peanut Butter Jelly Time? Badger Badger Badger? Kikkoman?  Was I attracted to boys who knew how to hack and spoke 1337? Pffft, you betcha.


DeviantArt, Xanga, animated gif icons, and forums? Uh, yeah.


So I randomly go around searching my old username, and I find the last signature I put in all my posts before I moved on to khayraB.


-----------------------------------
(\ /)
(O.o)
[> <]
This is Bunny.
Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination.


-----------------------------------


Back when the DevArt store had, like, 3 t-shirts. I've gotten way off tack, though. Because of my spacey disposition, I have the tendency to have my memory wiped out after a certain amount of time. The second most loved inclination is finding little surprises when I sift through old things (mind you, it doesn't need to be more than a month). I'm easily pleased, I'll have you know. Give me a really old thing I left at your house, or tell me a story about a year old, and you'll have me captivated until all my questions have been answered about it.


So there's a little something about me.

Faseelah(فسيلة): Spawn of Procrastination

I realize that I've never really shared my thoughts on Faseelah, my baby of sorts.

"Of sorts" because I've somewhat neglected it, and I wouldn't ever neglect my baby. I can't confirm this because I'm... Not... "Fond" of kids, per se, and who am I to know if I could raise a kid? I5*. But we'll get to my thoughts on kids later.

This club, put in action three months ago in Effat to replace its environmental club, is insprired by Islamic environmentalism and ecofeminism. Yay! :D

Why the name?

(pronounced "Fa-see-lah") It is known as "the part of a palm tree that is planted so another can grow from it" and was inspired by this ḥadīth (ṣaḥīḥ Al-Bukhārī Muslim):

عن أنس رضي الله عنه عن الرسول صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: إِنْ قَامَتْ السَّاعَةُ وَفي ِيَدِ أَحَدِكُمْ فَسِيلَةٌ،فَإِنْ اسْتَطَاعَ أَنْ لَا يَقُومَ حَتَّى يَغْرِسَهَا؛ فَلْيَغْرِسْها

Translation:

"If the Hour came and in one's hand was a faseelah, and if he could stay until it was planted; then he should plant it"

It had a good run. Like most things in Jeddah though, poor followup. It's disheartening how much work it takes just for permissions and awareness. But we didn't do too badly this semester.

World Water Day went awesomely. The day before it we had Abdulhakeem Jomah give this presentation at Effat about algae.

Between you and me, my marketing genius knows no bounds when it comes to getting single Saudi girls enthusiastic about saving the planet (they listend about ALGAE. Bwahaha).
On the day, we had this moving documentary given by Ziad Jarrar. African orphans. No water. Success.

Okay okay, ego aside. Kinda.
Earth Hour didn't go too badly. Granted, hardly anyone knew what happened, but we got all the lights off during the day, desktop wallpapers put up, and the dorms to do a little something something.

I learned a lot. Mostly about how things work in Jeddah. After a lot of convincing, I've decided not to shoot myself** and push through.

I'm passionate... And maybe a little insecure about how my passion is received. I like being the eco-girl at uni and among my friends, though. People use re-usable bags around me and uni girls randomly give me articls about environmental things.

Things look okay. Bigger and better after summer.


* Arabic chat speak
** Fun trivia: I typed "to shoot myself" and had to erase it.

I'm aware that this was dripping with enthusiasm and optimism. It made my cynical emo side kind of sick. Like hearing about scat.

Truth, Be Told

I only have a blog to have an online identity that seems somewhat intelligent. Or so it would seem.

This isn't the blogging life I foresaw for myself. I wanted posts about Faseelah, Green Jeddah, Jeddah, my identity, my rants, my wisdom (wisdom being subjective here), and my excitement. I wanted that.

Is it too late?

I need a procrastinating blogger support group.

Oh, Don't Mind Me, I'm Just a Walking Cliché

Rayan and I were talking one evening while people were over at my place when he, ever so slowly and cautiously, while talking about stereotypes, hesitantly let the word "hipster" slip.

"Hipster?" I asked, brimming with good-natured curiosity.
"It's, uh... I think it's what we are..." he replied.

The topic changed and the dark cloud moved right along with me, as usual, oblivious to its presence. There was talk of random things like books and movies and hopes and pasts amongst all of us. It ended well and I didn't bother realizing the weight of the word for a while.
One day, Wikipedia happened to be open on Tuffa7a and I randomly think of the word I didn't know. The black cloud looms again, ever so slowly and surely because it knows it has time to kill (the bastard wants to make an entrance), and it hits me.

I, Khayra Bundakji, am an overused depleted idea.

In College
A computer science major in the Environmental Club who writes for the newsletter and drowns in women empowerment workshops.


Amongst Friends
The green tech enthusiast who named her MacBook Tuffa7a (Tuffaha: Apple in Arabic) and her iPhone Farawlah (Strawberry).


Style
Skinny jeans, t-shirts riddled with expressions of peace and love, and a soon-to-be scene mullet. Did I mention the retrophilia that I experience when I go shopping? No? Well, there you go.

Books
"Philosophical" and "intellectual" books on everything from the universe to romance.


Music
Golden oldies, house, progressive-house, progressive-rock, indie-rock, rock, buddha-bar stuff, white-girl-on-guitar, Emiliana Torrini, The Beatles, and classical music.

Makeup
Close to natural with vintage-esque liquid eyeliner involved.

Priorities
Love, green tech, the planet, children, and a husband. In that order.



I don't think I can go on. Every key that gets pushed into the keyboard while this is being typed is a click of misery and disillusionment.
Okay, so it's not that bad when I look at it in perspective. It's even refreshing to realize how much I fit in to society after all those pubescent years of lonely anguish... However there is something afoot when it comes to my feelings... A negative sort of afoot, at that. I love me, that's clear in all aspects. I love my priorities and think that if everyone shared them, we would have the Utopia we've all been waiting for.

So the issue? Molly Finkelstein bundles up all my icky feelings when she says

But something about these so-called hipsters seems to me as forced as the entry into their too-tight pants. If I can picture you carefully arranging your hair to look perfectly disheveled, the magic is gone.

I know I'm genuine and I know I wouldn't ever prefer a certain style or book because it "fits" with the image I'm setting... But it's still an unnerving thought that I might get shoved into the pool of posers that I happen to look like! Beyond that, though, is a much bigger issue that I don't really want to admit to myself but will because I'm cool like that...

Am I a poser in denial?

No! It's so silly! Everyone I know would guffaw at that because I have no concept of what's going on in the world, let alone trying to imitate it.

... Right?

As thought my existence possibly being a self-made clone of an idea isn't enough, it seeps to the way I express myself.

Wikipedia says

It can be argued that the 'negative usage of the term Cliché in order to belittle an idea or an expression' is itself is becoming a cliché.

I simply don't know how to feel about any of this, so I'm just going to go ahead and say that I was the one who set the trend. Mofos think they know me.